Studies reveal that the past few years have seen an increased number of cases of divorce, separation, allegation of cruelty, and emotional and physical torture among the NRI couples.

The main issues seem to be simple misunderstandings, having extremely unrealistic notions about marriage, inflated egos, work tensions and not respecting each other. Add to these, a sense of isolation of living in a foreign country and not changing with the time and culture etc. All these ultimately take a toll on marriage!

The common roots

One of the underlying factors in all these issues is the lack of understanding. Most of the times, the man simply comes down to get married to a woman of their parents' choice. For the man it might be just getting married and returning to their well-set lives; but for the woman, it is a major change.

Despite their qualification and work experiences, many women cannot work. Thanks to their visa status (H4)! As per the law, they are prohibited from getting a social security card or even obtaining a driver's license in certain states. This keeps them economically and legally dependent on their spouse.

According to the experts, this dependency at times gives way to abusive relationships. As per Mita Rai, one of the social workers working with abused women, a decade ago the issues were more physical abuse; but now, even the frequency of financial and emotional abuse cases have gone up.

However, even in the case where a man would be on dependent visa, things are not too rosy for a wife. Most of the times, they are expected to excel both at the professional and personal front. There have been many instances where inspite of being the sole breadwinner, the women is not given the financial freedom and the salary is taken away right from her hands. She is not even allowed to send money to her family or bring them abroad. There even have been cases where husbands continuously make fun of her salary mainly to crush her self-esteem.

The expectations and the frustrations

There are many small-small issues, which often become the basis for abuse. Take the case, where many husbands have a very conservative and perceived notion about wives. They dictate the way she should behave, the dresses she should wear and the duties she should perform!

The same attitude gets reflected in helping the wife with the household chores. While they might have done everything on their own before marriage, but after marriage they don't even lift a finger and the wife is expected to take care of everything. This can be the beginning of a major conflict!

In addition, if the husband keeps on nagging the wife about her cooking or upkeep of the house, the problems escalate! The reality is that many girls might not know cooking; as they too have been busy making their career and working the same hours as their male counterparts.

For some men, the frustrations of the high-pressure environment and unstable job market, leads to letting off the steam on their spouses. From women, the issue of not having any friends or anybody to talk can result in the frequent bickering with their husbands. While some can easily adjust to change through books and Internet; majority of the women find themselves bored, unable to go out and interact much. They miss their previous life in India and long for company; resulting in depression or frustration that affects their marital life.

Most of the men work in IT companies and have late working hours; the small issues like coming home late, not spending enough time with their wives, or taking them out can result in arguments, which at times can take an ugly turn!

The problems can be both sided

According to Saakhi's website, Domestic Violence is a forceful, controlling behavior that coerces a victim to do what the abuser wants without regard to her/his rights, body, health or emotions.

Many a times, the men threat their wives of deportation, not giving them any money, not letting them work, refusal to file for change of visa status, and not allowing access to immigration paperwork.

For women who are not so well educated and have lingual problems, spousal abuse can be a major setback; as they are not able to properly convey their problems to anyone, especially the law enforcement people. Also, many of them are in a fix as to whether report their husbands to police, because this would mean that they also have to leave the country along with their offender spouse. In addition, there isn't much parental support for girls wanting to leave their husbands. Most of the parents try to brush it aside as initial settling problems rather that giving proper attention.

However, it is not that only women are on the receiving end. There are many instances where men have been equally abused/tortured by their wives. The things might be even uglier if they are dependent on the wife's family or if they married the girl for a green card.

The Conclusion

Considering the increasing abuse cases, many states like Punjab is encouraging parents to check the NRI boy's legal documentation (such as their green card, salary slips and bank statements to prove their integrity).

According to the Ministry of Overseas Indian Affairs annual report 2004-2005, the families are also advised to check the groom's voter registration card, social security number, employment record, tax returns and other relevant information for three preceding years to enable them to find out his financial and marital status.

But of course, simply a background check cannot be a solution for the problem. According to a marriage counselor, the abuses mainly stream out of misunderstanding, ego tussle and unrealistic expectation. The solution lies in understanding and respecting each other. One can also take the help of a marriage counselor to sort out any problems. But if the abuse still continues, it is better to call 911 or take help from one's family and friends. In addition, one should also contact organizations like Saakhi and Narkia for help!