My experience began with a visit to the Department of Motor Vehicles or DMV where you have to stand in a long line and after an hour, you're told to go get a letter. That sounds just like home! But wait till you hear what happens next: simply walking into the office and asking for it gets you the letter! See what I mean? You've got to be ready or it hits you hard!

In the meantime, you've been handed a book of driving rules. "Fine", you say, "I'll just stick it into the glove compartment and maybe search for typos when I am caught in a traffic jam." But that is not to be! The book has to be read, and so carefully as to be able to give a written exam on it. Now wait a minute, don't you have to know how to drive first? I mean, if you've never driven (or is it drove?) a car in your life, how are you supposed to comprehend the meaning of stuff like "blind spot"?

Anyways, you plunge into the text, hoping to mug up enough to pass the exam. And then the (rest of the) obstacles begin…

At first it's easy, Red is for Stop, Green is for Go and Yellow means Wait. They teach you that in KG back home. Then there are arrows, again red, green, and yellow. Fine, will manage. Then come the traffic signs. Those red and white things that are put up along the roadside (PS: some are yellow too!). Then you discover that there is something called "Right of Way". We are used to following Darwin at home (survival of the fittest) - but here you must give way to people and cars. And pedestrians are supposed to be "God" - which is nice when you're walking, but not so when you're watching the light turn red while an especially slow walker crosses the road. (I sooo want to go back home to the simple life!)

Of course, you must drive within the speed limit, we all know that. Too fast and you get caught. But wait a sec, you get caught for driving too slow too! So you must drive neither faster, nor slower than what is safe "for the present conditions" (Maybe they have another book on how to manage that)

Next there are the lanes - those strips marked by dusty white lines that divide the road. But out here they have different lines - yellow, white, yellow broken, yellow solid, white broken, white solid, a solid and a broken, a pair of solid lines, two broken lines… God! There are bicycle lane and safety zones, sidewalks and pavements, special lanes, carpool lanes, lanes for turning left, lanes for u turns…

So when you are in your car, pinned to your seat with two seat belts and you get tired of looking out for the signs, symbols, signals, lines, lanes and zones, you'd think the best thing to do is to park and get your breath. But you've got another think coming, because you know what? There are white curbs where people can only get on or off cars, and there are red curbs where only buses can stop. There are yellow curbs for quick loading and blue ones for the disabled (and no, hysterical nervous wrecks don't count). There's more: you can't park in most places, and when you do, whip out that measuring tape to make sure you aren't within 5ft of a fire hydrant, or 3ft of a ramp or 71/2ft of a railroad track. Ok, checked. Now get out of the car and walk 200ft in each direction to ensure your car is visible. Then make sure it's within 18inches of the curb. And if you're facing uphill your front wheels must be turned away from the curb and if facing downhill they must face towards the curb…or was it the other way around.

Done? Great! Now what was it that made you plunge into this nightmare? Forgot? Oh, too bad! Time to get back into the car, put on your seat belts, adjust the mirrors, turn on your left indicator, check your lane and the oncoming traffic, take a deep breath and drive back home! Makes you wish you had eight eyes like a spider, cameras on either side of the car, a headphone that gave you instructions all the time and the ability to vanish at will.

And after it's all done and the written exam is taken and you've passed (too good!), you move on to the worse problem: driving! And if, like me, you have the unfortunate luck of learning to drive in a city like Los Angeles, you will find it to be an educational experience. You learn not only how to handle a car; you increase your vocabulary with the choice words that polite drivers throw your way. They teach you the appropriate gestures that go with these words too. When you have watched car after car pass you where the drivers are "multi-tasking" in earnest - some simple souls sip coffee, nibble doughnuts and speak on cell phones while the more adventurous apply nail polish, read newspapers and pluck eyebrows! So you see, the closer you are to getting a driving license, the less you want it.

Now I know why, when they wave you goodbye they say "Drive Safely"!

More articles by Radhika Pradhan-Chitnis

1. Culinary Quests
2. Driving…Me Crazy!!!
3. Life after H-4
4. The Shopper's Snare