H4s of the US unite! The credo of our group: Thou shall mostly be miserable and sorrowful; seldom shalt thou smile. Ruing about life on H4 is en vogue and those refusing to abide by this credo, burnt by our basilisk-like stares thou shalt be!

After all there can be nothing more ecstatic than sitting with the likes of our own and reviving the good days in India when we had no time to spare; when we were gainfully employed; and where we contributed gleefully to our waistline eating the sinful pani-puris. Curst are those who refuse to sit and fret and enjoy their days in US. Curst are those who instead prefer going out and enrolling in school. School only leads us away from our days of loneliness and misery. School gives us an opportunity to make friends and dispel our woes. Hell is this life of schooldom, where you have no time to remember your golden olden days of fun. Hell is this breath of fresh air that is so refreshing that we would recommend it to every fellow H4, if it were not for the credo that we swore to abide by.

Dispelled are the members of the group who make new friends and spend countless afternoons shopping, chatting, studying. What possibly could be more wonderful than sitting alone with the blinds of the patio and window closed so that not a single ray of happiness can sneak in? What joy can the company of other non-H4s bring?
Abandoned are the members who suggest collaborating on projects of making pyaz pakodas and selling it to spice-starved tongues of fellow desis. Hail the credo that makes us stay in the kitchen hating every single dish and every meal we cook. Wonder what joy there is in watching Food Network and learning that there are actually 500 different types of pasta; that scallions and shallots are actually patte-wala pyaz and peele rang ka pyaz, respectively, and not some sea creatures; that artichoke is actually a vegetable, not a new type of neck jewel. Snubbed are those members who venture into different types of cuisine and realize Indian style of cooking is not the healthiest around. Curse on different cuisines; rejoice in making daal chawal and still cribbing about it. Actually, darned is every creative urge in us that makes us want to learn, to create, and to venture into the new.

Damn the members who visit the fitness center everyday, those who stay fit and believe in a healthy mind. Healthy mind my foot, say we. We love seeing the waistline graduating to a donut-line and then settling down as a muffin-top. Now what could possibly be wrong with that? Yeah just that we can’t wear great clothes or feel great about ourselves. But at least we are not breaking the credo. Ah what fun it is to gossip about the renegade who wears shorts and looks terrific. Shorts, damned we will be for wearing those. Let the credo be brought into light again. Fret thou shalt! And what better way to fret than to complement it with a full ice cream container or a bag of chips or a box full of chocolates or a whole slice of cheesecake or a box full of mithai which you swore you will not touch. Blest are these goodies that supercharge the blood with sugar and make you ready to gorge down another bag of chips in minutes. Blest is the credo that lets us fret and get fat. Say no to husbands and friends who have been asking you to prepare a resume and start applying. Resume, no that will only lead us away from the pleasures of misery and into the lap of the ever-industrious job land. A good resume will only force us to break our credo and lose our glorious days of loneliness. Lets embrace the ignorance that there are no jobs for H4s, bathe in this ignorant bliss that we are not worthy for anything. Let the renegades get jobs, we the credo holders, be ignorant and enjoy bliss. Thou shalt turn a blind eye to every opportunity that volunteering might bring with it! How can we work and not get paid, what can possibly be the ulterior motive in working without getting paid? Hmm wonder what’s ‘showing the companies our skills and our worth by volunteering’ is all about? What will that ever earn us?

Plagued shall we be if we read and enjoy the company of words. Blest are the TV and its brain dead serials. Hail Oprah and Astitva and Tumhari Disha and all the kkkusums! Can there be any other pleasure than crying over being alone and not doing anything about it? What joy can getting out of the house bring? Loyal to your credo thou must be!

H4s of the US unite! In this one life to live, a couple of years of no employment must not let ye get to the lowest point in your life. In this one life in the US, the credo demands that ye bring the worst emotions to the fore, why not damn the credo this time. In this one life when we are faced with making a choice between living it up and letting it go, why not snub the latter. In this one single lifetime let’s garnish our dreams of making it big, stick through some tough years, wait for the employment card and not give up. Why not be a renegade?

Plagued be the old credo then and hallowed be the new one: Smile thou shalt always and live like this is the only day to live!