Child Care/Parenting Experiences



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Not Always...

Posted by: A Mom On 03 Mar 2006

I can only speak from my experience. for me it was not that I would not have been able to manage without my Mom it was that I wanted her to be with me for emotional support during delivery and afterwards. If for some reason she couldn't come to US for my delivery then of coures my husband and I would have managed on our own.
see right from beginning my Mom said to me you have to learn to manage your baby on your own so hubby and I managed all the midnight feeds, diaper changes etc (my Mom didn't let my hubby off the hook easily too; she made sure he did his bit for our daughter). It is nice to have someone with experience around you. She would have just the right advise for me to make my baby stop crying etc
While at the same time I can understand that some folks do treat their parents as unpaid baby sitters. I have often seen really old parents at gatherings trying to chase after young grandchildren when you can easily see they are having a tough time while the parents are just busy with their own friends expecting the parents to take care of everything. So I do see what Swati and New are talking about; but its just that its not always the same for everybody.
I didn't call my parents for physical support and to save money or for that matter only for my delivery. It's more an emotional thing.

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Agree With PEP

Posted by: visitor On 03 Mar 2006

I think some of the indian families are more family oriented and they never think being with their kids & grand kids either in usa/india & taking care of them is "Servents Job" , i think its mutual satisfaction for both of them. i feel by calling them we are giving them a better exposure to be with their kids & grand kids & enjoy there old age. don't think just they help you doesn't mean they are your servents. if person think that is meaning of "servent" , you should read black history where you know what servent means.

try to think in broder way. keep calling your parents or in laws , have a nice time with them.

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Whats Wrong!!!!!!

Posted by: PEP On 02 Mar 2006

I dont agree with Swati raju and whoever says that people call parents during pregnancy, delivery etc. Its only people like you and your friends with mean selfish mentality must be doing it. So, please dont generalise the statement. Its the tradition in south India and the parents just love to be with their grand children. Its not that they are here to take care of the child waking up middle of the night or pulling the strollers.

I have a niece here who just loves her grandparents that she insist that either they come here to visit or take her to India once a year. They love all the care the grandparents give them and the stories they tell. That is how the kids will know the importance of family and love for each other. The grandparents are lonely back in India and everytime they call they ask more about kids then their own son or daughter and moreover as someone mentioned here they come only during the time of delivery is that becoz it will not only help their daughter/daughter in law but also it will keep them occupied. In a place like US where they cant go on their own and when they are dependant what will they do at home when both husband and wife go to work???? At least when the DIL/ daughter is home and the little one is home their mind is occupied.


So to all the negative thinkers, here is my advice dont think like Americans by staying here. They are becoming like us more these days becoz they want their kid to be close to them when they grow up and not just remember their parents, grandparents on fathers day, mothers day etc!!!!!!!

Cheers..

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Think Over

Posted by: New On 27 Feb 2006

Well all said and done we do take our parents for granted.How do you think do all the working American women look after their kids..???


I guess they too go through the same pain and work like all of us or are we Indian girls such delicate darlings?? and that we cann't handle it without anyones help.For me my husband was enough and thats the biggest support I have and all that I need.

I guess everyones' situation is different and I don't want to make any personal remarks here but honestly its very typical of Indians to call their parents to look after their kids.They may like it as its their grandkid but please give up saying " what else will they do here" it just shows how clear you are about their visit.

Thanks

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To A Mom

Posted by: swati raju On 23 Feb 2006

That's what is the point. in general how many guys/girls parents come to visit their son/daughter before the lady gets pregnent. why the figure shows that the probability is very less till the guys/girls have no kids. they remember their parents when they fell oh now i need some one to take care of my kid . when my parents came to visit me my friends asked oh are you pregnent . when is the due date.. it was very clear to me that what they think for their parents.

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Agree With Madhavi

Posted by: A Mom On 23 Feb 2006

I absolutely agree with Madhavi. No offence meant, but when I read the previous 2 posts I concluded that these posters have never had kids. Otherwise they wouldn't be so quick to condemn.
Giving birth is the EASY part; it's the recovery period afterwards that is the toughest: you cannot walk, you cannot sit; everything hurts so bad and having your mom or mom in law around is the biggest comfort you can ask for.
My parents and my inlaws crave to see my daughter and they try to make frequent trips to the US for that. They love to be with her, pamper her, feed her, take her out to the park. It's not a 'punishment' for them; they do it out of love and caring for their grand kids is not being treated like a servant to them.
I agree that our parents have done their duty by taking care of us and need to relax now: but think about it; can you think they'd be happy if you cut them out of their grand kids lives and told them to go 'relax'?

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Not Always True

Posted by: Madhavi On 23 Feb 2006

we too invited my parents and inlaws when we had baby but not totally for help ,i have taken care of my baby and never dependent on them as far as baby is concerned.they were here for six months but we never made them to wake up even for one single night.

but there are some other things too ,they were happy to see their grandchild and top of everything we south indians have certain traditions to follow which has to be taken place in
their presence,inviting parents during pregnancy /delivery is one of the reason .had we been in India they will do the same thing what they did here,before commenting anything step in the shoes of pregnant women/mother and talk.

My inlaws were happy as they have seen most of the places here .

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To Swati

Posted by: I agree On 22 Feb 2006

I knida agree with what you said coz I have noticed so many old parents carry their grandkids or pushing the stroller while the couple walks ahead.

I don't know whether the Indian parents have so much love for their kids or their kids just cann't manage their own children??? I think its selfish to call our parents/in laws specially to look after a new born.I have even heard new fathers proudly talking about what a good night sleep they had in another room whole night while their mom in law and wife attended to the new born 3 times that night.

Agree that you may have to go to work the next but you haven't done anybody not even yours own parents a favor by having a baby.Its your baby and you have the whole sole responsibilty towards him.

Stop treating your parents like they are meant to help with your baby .They have done their duties with you and its not their age to wake up 3 times a night to feed a new born..its your turn now!!!!

Good luck.

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People Treats Their Parents As Servert In USA

Posted by: swati raju On 16 Feb 2006

they will call their parents to come to USA to take care of their kids . otherwise they will never call. (i am talking about most of the indians ... and in south india this is very much true. all my friends called to mother-in-law when they were pregnent. one of my friend told me that she is not happy that her mother-in-law came to vist her son. but when she got pregnent she told me that it will be better if her mother-in-law can come. nearly same reaction i got from all the girls i know.
this is total bullshit.

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